Obsessed With Childhood lyrics song by Bif Naked

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I have to tell you I am obsessed with my childhood. I never pooped. I’m
serious, I hated pooing, I never did it. I refused to poo as child. Mostly,
I couldn’t. It wasn’t meat loaf, it wasn’t chicken and rice, it wasn’t six
hot-dogs at lunch with Kraft Dinner on top, it wasn’t Sloppy Joe’s, it
wasn’t inactivity, I just never ever pooped. My parents had this house on
Milinocket Court that had a bathroom upstairs. It had a door in the hallway
and a door in the master bedroom. They used to close the hallway door, open
the bedroom door, sit me on the potty and pull the t.v. in there you know,
so I’d sit and watch and …wait. I mean hours. I must have been rotting
insdie1 It would be like a week in between. You know, I discussed this at
length with my mom, and she was concerned thinking she fed me too much meat
and stuff. But you know what I say, my two sisters had no problem pooping,
and they ate the same suppers. It was just me. I was sick as a child, I
mean I was always sick.
If I fell off my bike and got a scrape, it would be infected. When I had
the chicken pox, I was hospitalized because each pock was infected. Each
one! In my eyelids, everywhere. The nurses had to dab each pock with a
medicated cotton ball. My dad used to take us camping, and this one time I
stepped on a dirty nail, you know, like rusty, with my barefoot. My whole
hell became infected (laughs). It was hug! My heel was the size of a
volleyball! I had to go to the doctor and get it drained. I was so ticklish
all the time it took 5 or 6 doctors and nurses to hold me down and then the
feeling of the lanced hell, and I was screaming. My older sister was
laughing her head off, right there. I had scarletina this one time, and was
quarantined. I had a tonsillectomy. I even remember one time in the
hospital, of course for you know the reason. A nurse was trying to put a
suppository in my rear end. I was squirming and wrigglin’ and gigglin’. You
know, cause I was getting tickled. Then I’d cry, c
ause I was all tense, you know, and it hurt. Sooner or later, I had to make
a run for it to the bathroom. Boy, those nurses sure got mad at me for
leavin’ a trail. Someone’s always mad, hey? You know, I took lots of things
as a kid; ballet and jazz, dance, soccer, piano. I was always in trouble,
always bein’ a ham. When I was 5 we were all on the stage with these
cardboard clocks like, you know, two feet across, tied around us with
string, like a sandwich board. We were all moving our arms back and forth,
tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock . I was wearing red buckle shoes, that I
know. Well, my string broke and the clock fell off, night there on stage, I
just stood there, frozen, and bawling. The teacher had to walk on to the
stage and carry me off. You know, I reacted the same way when that
stagedivin’ crowd surfer kicked my microphone into my teeth. Hey, the more
things change. I quit all of it eventually. Dance class cause I got lazy,
soccer cause I grew boobs, and piano cause my teac
her, Mrs. Davies, got mad at me and called me a stupid girl and banged my
hands on the keys. You know I was even a cheerleader. Hey, in grade 6 in
Kentucky it was a cool thing. ‘S-U-C-C-E-S-S, that’s the way we spell
success!’. I can’t believe it. (laughs) ‘V-I-C-T-O-R-Y, victory, victory is
our cry gotta go’. That’s how it went. I don’t really remember the hand
movements. But, uh, I was never one of the popular cheerleaders. I remember
this girl April was very popular, and this other girl Jennifer was very
popular. There were like, we were all in grade 6, but they had, like,
bodies of 17year old people. And, and hey looked like Farrah Fawcett, you
know all blond with feathered hair and endless teeth. I didn’t look like
that. I wonder if my dad wouldn’t have moved us around so much, what if I
woulda turn out different? You know, normal? Or am I? I, I’m obsessed with
my childhood. Cause I dont’ think I’m fully grown up. Are you? I mean
really? I am my inner child. I
had to search for my inner adult. And I’m still lookin’. I still eat 6 hot
dogs for lunch, they’re just vegetarian now.


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