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Dungeons and Dragons by Dr. Demento
Narrator: Dungeons and Dragons, Satans game. Your children like it or not,
are attracted in their weaker years to the Occult and a game like D+D fuels
their imagination and makes them feel special, while drawing them deeper
and deeper into the bowels of El Diablo. This afternoon the Dead Alewives
watch tower invites you to sit in on an actual gaming session. Observe the
previously unobservable as a hidden camera takes you to the inner sanctum
of Dungeons and Dragons.
Graham: Galstaff, you have entered the door to the north. You are now by
yourself standing in a dark room; the pungent stench of mildew emanates
from the wet dungeon walls.
Nightblade: Where are the Cheetos?
Graham: Theyre right next to you.
Galstaff: I cast a spell.
Nightblade: Wheres the Mountain Dew!
Graham: In the Fridge. DUH!
Galstaff: I wanna cast a spell.
Nightblade: Can I have a Mountain Dew!
Graham: Yes, you can have a Mountain Dew, just go get it.
Galstaff: I can cast any of these right, on the list?
Graham: Yes, any ,any of the first level ones.
Nightblade: Im gonna get a soda, any one want one? Hey Graham Im not in
the room right?
Graham: What room?
Galstaff: I wanna cast magic missile.
Nightblade: The room where hes casting all these spells from!
Graham: He hasnt cast any thing yet.
Galstaff: I am though if youd listen. Im casting Magic Missile.
Graham: Why are you casting Magic Missile, theres nothing to attack here.
Galstaff: I- I- Im attacking the darkness.
Graham: Fine fine you attack the darkness. theres an elf in front of you.
Picard: Whoa! Thats me right?
Graham: Hes wearing a , h, uh brown tunic and he has gray hair and blue
Picard: No I dont, I have gray eyes.
Graham: Let me see that sheet.
Picard: Well it says I have, well it says I have blue but I decided I
wanted gray eyes.
Graham: Whatever, ok, you guys can talk to each other now if you want.
Galstaff: I am Galstaff, Sorcerer of Light.
Picard: Then how come you had to cast Magic Missile?
Graham: Y- Y- Y- You guys are being attacked.
Nightblade: Do I see that happening!?!
Graham: NO! Youre outside by the tavern.
Nightblade: Cool, I get drunk!
Graham: Ugh. There are there are seven ogres surrounding you.
Picard: How can they surround us? I had Mordenkainens Magical Watch Dog
Graham: No you didnt.
Nightblade: Im getting drunk! Are there any girls there?
Picard: I totally did. You asked me if I wanted any equipment before this
adventure, and I said no, but I need material components for all my spells,
so I cast Mordenkainens Faithful Watch Dog.
Graham: But you never actually cast it.
Nightblade: Roll the dice to see if Im getting drunk!
Graham: Ugh. Yeah you are.
Nightblade: Are there any girls there?
Picard: I did though; I completely said when you asked me...
Graham: No you didnt. You didnt actually say that you were casting the
spell so now theres ogres. Ok?
Nightblade: OGRES!?! Man, I got an ogre slaying knife! Its got a +9
Graham: Youre not there, youre getting DRUNK!
Nightblade: Ok, but if theres any girls there I wanna do them!
Narrator: There you have it. A frightening look into Americas most
frightening past time. Remember that its not you childrens fault that
they're being drawn into a satanic world of nightmare. Its their gym
teacher's fault for making them feel out cast when they couldnt do one
single pull up.
Other Music Video Related to Atmosphere Dungeons And Dragons
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All Dungeons And Dragons lyrics provided for educational purposes only.
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